Peter's tantrum - Text to Follow

Chuffing in Slice Land

The long planned weekend away to Skye with the respective other halves was finally upon us. We'd been obsessively checking the weather forecast all week hoping it would be viable. Plan B was a trip to Langdale, fun but hardly the main event. I needn't have worried though, the forecast was perfect. A long tractor ride in the dark led us to the Glen Brittle campsite, amazingly positioned by the sea under the Black Cullin. A quick tussle with the tents and the midges and we were asleep. 

Woke up to the harsh sight of a thousand midges in the tent outer. Jeeka and I finally manned up and jumped out of the tent. Not a breath of wind in the air. The sky was overcast and the sun wasn't penetrating. Ideal midge conditions and so it proved. Swarms of the fuckers. I'll freely admit to being a total pussy when it comes to midges. They make me want to cry. Worse, they make me hate Scotland. The four of us dived into the car and ate breakfast there - treacle tart! Hardly the full luxury cooked breakie I had planned on. Other campers were milling around outside abiding the midges in one of three ways; head nets, smoking or resolute determination. I refuse to believe that Stoicism forms any part of it. Nobody stands there and says "ce la vie". People stand there and  say "bite me you fuckers, you're not going to ruin my holiday"! I find that cowering suits me just fine. 

We set off up the hill towards Sron Na Ciche, probably the best section of rock on the Central Cullin. Jeeka set a good pace and we were at the foot of the scree in short time. The path steepens here and it was a harsh slog to the foot of Little Gully (Diff). There were already a few chuffing teams out on some of the other routes; shouts of "climb when ready" whetted our appetite for the bumbling to follow. We geared up at the foot of the route and it became quickly apparent that I, as usual, was living up to Andy's nickname for me at uni - The Bull. Instead of packing both of Jeeka's pink Anazazis, I packed the right one and an old pink Anazazi of my own, a right one! So Jeeks had her normal boot on her right foot and a size 10, right boot on her left foot. I told Pete about the Bull and he pissed himself. Nearly a decade since I first met Andy and it still rings true!

The first pitch went without a hitch, nice scrambly climbing with a few moves and no need for gear to get the feel for the rock. Pete announced that he was gripped on the lead but I'm pretty sure he's not that bumbly. The second was a touch harder with a short wall. Sarah and Jeeka did really well on this both flying up it without much trouble and no hint of downclimbing. Jeeka and I broke this pitch into two so that I could be in sight while she climbed the wall, then Jeeka led the next 15-20m with no gear to Pete and Sarah's position. As she approached, Sarah jumped up and screamed for her to stop. Pete was shitting on the belay ledge. There was a strong smell of schizle when I finally arrived at the top. I was pretty psyched for Peter's effort. It's not often one gets the opportunity to deface such a fine crag. We quickly climbed past and onto the Terrace. 

Next, was what for me, the main event, Arrow Route (VDiff). Its a 50m slab of perfect dimpled gabbro. A chuffers delight. Unfortunately, we had hit a queue so we had lunch and just couldn't wait any longer. It was cold out of the sun and the two in front were having a bit of a nightmare. Pete decided to climb an adjacent route, not in the guide but a strong line that someone else had just ran up. He took his time and said he was pretty gripped. Slab climbing isn't really his forte. The slab really is 50m and Peter ran out of rope so Sarah had to start to climb the slab. Pretty top draw belaying that. the bumblies were still on Arrow Route so Jeeka and I followed Peter. A cracking route. Probably a touch stiff for VDiff, we were sure it would be harder in the lakes. Jeeks flew up it and properly enjoyed it. The two picture below on the show the slab quite well. 

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Jeeka and I went on to climb Wallworks Route (VDiff). This contained the hardest climbing of the day with much steeper and awkward climbing than before. Although initiall psyched, Jeeka got quite anxious at the second belay. We broke the next pitch into two so that I was always close and could guide her up the route. It wasn't really necessary. I had to downclimb the crux and use a cheeky sidepull. As I was describing this to Jeeks she manned up through the overlap without it. Outclimbed by my slice! All that was left after these 4 pitches was a scramble to the ridge and a chuff up the mountain. The descent was hard going but we found Peter and Sarah waiting for us halfway down. time for tea and wine on the beach. A great end to a great day. 

Craigmore with Peter

Took Pete for a tour of my new favorite Glasgow venue. It looks as though the midge season is about to start and Craigmore will be out of bounds for evening sending. Pretty gutted as I'm just starting to get into it. Started on the warm ups and Pete made quick work of Totem and Harmless. I was keen to try Jolly Green Dragon - 6b+ again and was confident that I would get it. Pete thought he could flash it and to be fair he came close. He got it within half a dozen goes. I was really close this time, going for it static rather than dynamic. I'm devastated but that open right hand is weak for me. I'll just have to go again tomorrow. We moved on to try one of the crag classics, Wide-Eyed - 6c. I have tried and failed on this problem for five years now. I didn't try it last week because as Pete says - I'm a fanny. However, this time, it was my turn to get a problem within half a dozen goes. I was psyched!!! Pete had it in the bag but got scared at the top and dropped off rather than manned up. A shame because he had it. We went to try Terror Right Hand - 6b but there is a pair of Kestrels nesting on top so we left it alone and got some shit banter about the mat from some old top-rope bumblies. I may be a bumbly but falling off VS on the top-rope is inexcusable. The next crag classic is Wizard Arete - 6c. The midges were giving it the Billy Big Time by now so we only got a few goes. It feels harder than Wide-Eyed and the holds were really sweaty. I think it will go though. Just not sure how many more vsits we will get in this summer. 

Big shout out to the Hebsonic Boom. The shit venue raider is ticking projects left, right and centre. Lets see if he can climb Pongo!

Ben A'an Boulders

When will I learn not to follow John Watson's random guides to the middle of nowhere. Its a fair slog up the hill to the boulders but through a really pretty forest. It reminded me a lot of the woods I used to mountain bike in, when I was at school. The boulders arrive after half an hour or so. There is one main boulder above some boggy ground. Thankfully, the recent warm, dry weather has really set the midges back. However, looking down at my legs while getting my boots on I saw I was crawling with ticks. Not happy! I was pretty pissed off to have slogged up the hill, to find myself straddling a bog and killing ticks. 

Started on Comedy Arete - 6a+ which I was making hard work of until I sussed some better beta. Quartzy crimps to Quartzy sloper to top with no footholds. I moved on to the stream boulders and found The Block - 6a, a nice overhanging wall through monster slopers. I then tried Hibernian Arete - 6b but failed miserably to suss the sit start. A bit of a wierd problem. 

The real reason I went up there is that I'm looking for a nice hard project and thought that Hocus Pocus - 7a could be it. I don't mind longer walk ins, especially when the walk is so nice. However, the midges will be terrible all summer and there isn't much more to go at. I gave it a few half-hearted attempts and went home. Two new 6as is all I left with but a sunny evening in the Trossachs is the kind of thing I wait all winter for! Pete gave me a harsh roasting for being shit but I'm not sure what I could do about it tonight.. We will just see how we get on tomorow.... 

Craigmore

Another after work effort this week with my mind set on a number of problems I've never tried. Warmed up by soloing a number of the severes and hard severes at the left end of the crag. I then went on to climb three 6as which took me some time last year but were dispatched with ease today. One of these was Harmless - 6a, which I can now do static!

Moving on, I climbed terror arete before settling down to on of the aims of the day, Jolly Green Dragon 6b+. Its a two move problem involving a loooong dynamic snatch from poorish finger slopers to a sloping ledge. I thought it would go quickly but spent an hour or so on it with no success. I could hit the ledge every time but not hold it. Similar to last year at Widdop with Splashdown Arete. I wonder how you train contact strength. I'll be back for it next week!

Wolf Crag

Another after work session at the Wolf Crag, making quick repeats of all my previous problems including the Pod Dyno. Sent the new eliminate sit start I was trying the other week second go. A nice problem even if I do say so myself. Probably been done before but it's not in any guide so I've named it All Good In Slice Land (eliminate)- 6b.

Roaches

Widdop

Widdop today. I really liked this circuit last time when I went with Hebson last October. I was gutted not to get Spashdown Arete - 6b and the photographed problem below, Pickpocket Crack - 6a+. Today was a very warm day, very different to the time in October. Pete  made fairly short work of Spashdown, much like Andy before. I struggled a bit but was psyched to latch it. The slab went quickly so I was chuffed. I even repeated it for the harsh ritilin kids in between bouts of telling their teachers to fuck off! I was bleeding by now and the main event, The Seventh Wave - 6c was looking unlikely and so it proved. I fell off, mat surfed, and landed arse down in the harsh bog. Maybe a bit of a sign. Pete had it but dropped off just as it was looking sorted. He also tried a few other problems during the day but with no joy. A good day for me, cleaning up the problems I couldn't do earlier. 

Earl Crag

Devastation Generation

I think my brother summed it up well when he said that I take being a numpty to a "whole new level". Not only did my inability to multi-task fail me yet again, but this time there were hideous consequences. I did not expect my trip to Font to begin stood on the hard shoulder of the M20 tearing the car apart for my passport. There was not even any point in looking, I knew where it was; back in Sheffield, in the multi-storey car park were I had plonked it on the roof of the car while I looked for the ferry tickets. There was nothing I could say to Pete, I just wanted to cry. Our much anticipated trip to the home of bouldering was blowing through the streets of Sheffield in the rain, being run over by cars, only to be later sold on the black market to Slovaks. It's probably not wise to have tears blurring your vision when you are driving north at 100mph so I did what any self-respecting man would do; I got angry instead. 

Hope ended a few hours later on my hands and knees in said multi-storey car park. Of course it wasn't there but I had to try. There is something special about the extravagantly worded and written paragraph inside a British passport. Her Britannic Majesty's Secretary of State Requests and requires in the Name of Her Majesty all those whom it may concern to allow the bearer to pass freely without let or hindrance, and to afford the bearer such assistance and protection as may be necessary. Fat lot of good it was doing me right now. In order to "pass freely" and be afforded "assistance" it is vital that you are a "bearer". I, with no-one to blame but myself, was not. 

Pete, to his credit, was taking all of this very well and was already getting stuck into the Peak District Psyche Brochure. I was waiting for his good humour to fail and when the heavens opened I thought I was for it. We had a bit of a walk around and a cup of tea in Hathersage before settling on a place to spend the night. North Lees was full so we banked on bivvying out in the woods under Stanage. 

After supper we relaxed into reading and listening to the birdsong. Resigned to a week in the peak but with a favourable forecast we were determined to make the most of second best. Dropping off, we were quickly roused by a shout of "Is this Safe?". The warden had arrived. "Do you have any weapons or drugs?". To which I replied "of course not, but we have had some whisky". He was friendly but officious. He said we should sleep in the car. Thinking we knew better, we packed up and moved across the road to a different piece of forest. The car was not appealing and had started raining again so we needed cover. We slept soundly only to be awoken by, yes, the ranger; "Morning boys". This time we got the full brunt of his ranger patter. Although he wasn't too upset by our encampment (he described it as "Ray Mears Syndrome") he gave us an official warning and told us that if we tried again, he would find us. "I am a stalker, I stalk people, I'm very quiet and I'm very good". 

It was 6:30am when we arrived at the burbage south boulders. They were wet, we were disheartened. I brewed some coffee and ate some bread and beans. Feeling sightly better, we decided that we should get off the high, misty ground and find somewhere else. We found Cratcliffe and the Stride. 

It was hot and muggy, not gritstone weather. We struggled around the east circuit at Cratcliffe but gave up fairly quickly. We found an undercut roof and both dispatched a nice 6b without much difficulty. Moving on to Robin Hoods, I was keen to try two 6bs which had done for me last time I was there. Both problems are aretes, one round, one sharp. I got the round one,  but not the sharp one. Pete dispatched the round arete second go and quickly found a good sequence for the sharp one. He thought the problem was too high to complete so we moved on. Pete sent Sweet Arete 6c and I came very close but just couldn't do enough with the final slopers. We were both pleased with how the day went. Pete got  6c and I climbed two 6bs including one I couldn't do last time. Not a bad start at all.